Getting Past The Shoulds To Write
During the past few months I have received many
questions as to how I have gone from an unknown writer to over coming
society's adversarial thoughts on what writing should be and become
a well known writer. So, today, I was inspired to write on this.
Let me present a gist of my story. And like all stories there's
always more depth.
When it comes to being judged by society's belief of what good writing
is, I thoroughly understand the pressure. Been through that. For
years I was a closet writer because the feedback I received from
writing instructors (from various levels) was, "your writing
is...is...is different and I'm not really qualified to comment."
I took this to mean, "I was a lousy writer." So daily,
I quietly wrote, read it, agreed, and tossed it into a growing set
of boxes.
Years and 72 boxes later, my insides were screaming. The screaming
displayed itself in anger everything I did and everyone I touched.
After my father died, I was fed up with life, society, and all the
shoulds in my life. I knew I was angry at something but had no idea
what at that time. With a full level of frustration and disgust,
I decided to give up everything, take off a year, and travel to
every writing conference, study anywhere I could, with anyone I
could, and "really" learn to write. I had no idea what
I was looking for at the time. Now I realize that I was looking
for my personal voice and my writing voice.
After traveling I returned home to Virginia not feeling that much
better about my writing than when I started. I did notice that my
skin was a little tougher but I was still angry, still embarrassed
about my call to write. And as far as my skill level, I didn't feel
there was much improvement. The feedback I received was similar
to what I received before. One teacher, at a workshop at Puget Sound
Writing Conference, Washington state, told me, "If I kept working
at it maybe (with a big voice emphasis at maybe) some day in 10
years or so I will be good enough to release my writing."
Occasionally a light appeared in my tunnel. One time was when I
was attending the International Writer's Guild (IWG) yearly retreat
in Syracuse, New York. Hundreds of women writers, all supportive,
all different in so many ways. The positive energy was empowering.
I took away from this that there wasn't any exact science to writing.
Learning to trust my own womanhood at 52 was a completely new eye
opening experience for me. There was a shift in my writing voice.
A few weeks after my year, I woke up crying. Not a gentle sob but
a whaling one. I was pissed. I was angry. At the world, at myself,
at the lamp shade, it didn't matter. I kicked shoes, took walks,
and wrote pages in my journal trying to understand what was happening.
There was a rage, an internal fight between what feedback and their
suggestions and my internal dialogue. Later I realized the writer
inside was fighting to get out.
Afterwards, my pissed let to, "screw everyone." I apologize
for the language ladies and gents but I'm sharing my truth. I decide
to just put it out there and let it land where it may. Grammar mistakes,
imperfections, whatever emerged. Let the commas be too many or too
few.
The first time I had to let go it took me a week of internal dialoguing,
and more edits than I'm willing to admit to, in order to let go.
(Actually my first experience with over editing.) My emotions changed
by the hour. My family ran for the hills and didn't know what to
do with me. I didn't even know what to do with me.
The first time an English specialist sent me their suggestion that
I might want to improve on my grammar first mind you they never
were specific of where or even what they were reading, I would cry
again. This would cause me to stop writing for the remainder of
the day. The next day I was back to a "what the he__"
again (thank goodness).
Next I wanted to tackle adding discipline to my writing. Boy 'o
boy that was easy to say yet hard to implement. I soon learned that
I preferred cleaning out the refrigerator, even visit the dentist
rather than sitting down at a specific time to write. Since then
and over time, I learned how this same avoidance rippled its way
into other places in my life.
At no given time did I ever suffer from writer's block. I always
felt comfortable writing on almost anything (a blessing and a curse).
The curse being I was spreading my focus too thinly. Yet, I was
happy and having a ball and that's why I kept on doing it that way.
Looking back, now I can see how badly I needed to release all my
bottled up emotions at that time.
Success at focusing in didn't come easy. But eventually the excuses
ran out and the emotions balanced it started to come naturally.
When I learn to place my needs first, which also meant writing,
anger never emerged. In fact, I was down right pleasant to be around
the rest of the day. My discipline started with one hour of writing
every morning and has evolved into a 5 to 8 morning experience and
an hour in the evening reviewing my days notes.
The more I wrote, the more outlet opportunities knocked on my door.
I began three ezines, including a daily. Then I began writing for
other professionals and Internet and magazine articles.
When I began to allow my writings to go public, even one email from
about my English skills set me to tears and I couldn't write the
rest of the day. Thank goodness it didn't last and the next morning
I was writing again. At that moment I realized the importance of
a disciplined writing time.
Eventually, I began to receive feedback on how people loved what
I wrote, liked my ideas, and by passed the occasional grammar error.
My name even found its place in a few local newspapers including
the Washington Post. The positive feedback was far bigger than the
"you've need to do better" messages. They began with three
pats to one scolding. Then moved to six pats to one. Then 30 pats
to 1.
And the most amazing part -- I was happier than ever. You could
find me starting my weekend day writing at McDonalds (the only place
open at 6 am), by 10 at the bookstore, by 3 the library, by 6 returning
home and satisfied. There were bum times on park benches especially
in the spring, museums and shopping malls when the weather was nasty.
At my frequent stops employees or regulars stopped and asked what
I was working on and willingly shared their thoughts and ideas on
the topic. Some agreed, some didn't, but the magic was my writing
was richer because of them, because of the environmental switches.
My writing kept improving and what I produced tripled. Occasionally
I would read something I previous wrote and sat numb, not believing,
"I wrote, that!" My inner critic even stopped punching.
Now my pat to grammar email ratio doesn't matter. I know there's
more to learn yet I'm so glad my writing is out in the public eye.
I write every chance I can and make the space for it in my life.
Topics don't matter nor does first quality matter. Just as long
as it's on a page somewhere and safe.
A little while back I began outlining (Mind Maps) before writing.
Previously outlining wasn't my thing. I've also learned that if
there I don't have a certain number of points don't begin to write.
Yet even I don't have enough to begin writing, my mind is still
tumbling and building and something better always appears. Something
that couldn't appear without the tossing first.
Over the years, my penmanship has gone from good to worse. What
I have also realized is that my first draft is sometimes just me
jumping and trying to find my way around on the topic. Almost like
a maze. Afterwards, I highlight the good and usually find there
is more than one topic to go with.
My advice to people who desire to write -- follow your heart. Trust
that it will lead you down the right path. Trust today's writing
will always look different tomorrow and your writing will always
improve and evolve the more you write. Not any book you read, writing
conference you attend, the best lessons are learned by writing regularly.
One of my favorite quotes is, "Big things come from the smallest
actions." The light will come after you complete many small
actions. The same as I did and many who preceded me, there is light
available in the tunnel and you will see changes within yourself
that will transfer onto the pages. Writing will always be an evolving
process, even after the Pulitzer.
Worry about the grammar until its time, not before. If you learn
one writing tip a week and work it into your writing all week, it
can't help but improve because that's 52 improvements a year.
You don't need a lot, one word can do. For one year I wrote 394
articles from one word -- honor. Every time I completed one article
the word was complete, another appeared. If I had thought I could
write this many articles from one word before this experience I
would laugh at you. Eventually I called a truce. It was amazing
watch my bar as it kept getting higher. An experience that fuels
my beliefs today. Whenever I began to write another honor story
I was transitioned to age seven watching my Dad pitch the ball against
the steel milk bottles, feeling like I just won the 1st prize teddy
bear. Yes, the biggest one on the top shelf, the one that looks
twice my size.
At times the thoughts were firing so rapidly it forced me to stop
what I was doing and write what I could. Many times I had to pull
off the road and get it down.
Even today there are times when my writing doesn't make sense but
I know now that I can't get to the next point until I get rid of
this stuff first. Like many writers, we all have a few boxes or
stacks of these.
For everyone who feels a pull to write but hasn't. Let me quote
Nike, "just do it." Let all the inhibitions go, they are
nonsense until after all the editing. Let the commas fall where
they may. Write without any attachment to the outcome. That comes
later.
It took time for my writing to turn into a hundred thousand dollar
business. Even a year ago I wouldn't have thought it possible and
would have just laughed at the though. I am happier than ever. No
crying, just writing. No kicking the shoes. No more doubt of my
possibilities (okay, some but very small). Be free, write and let
it lead you wherever it needs to go.
Nothing you or I write will ever be lost. Fight for your writer's
life, it's worth the battle. Especially don't let anyone should
all over you.
(c) Copyright Catherine Franz. All rights reserved.
Catherine Franz, writer, speaker, marketing master, specializes
in infoproduct development. More at: [http://www.marketingstrategiestogo.com]
and http://www.AbundanceCenter.com. Including articles and ezines.
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